Initial reports have confirmed what some researchers have believed to be true all along... the mysterious and hyper-powerful figure known as RICARDO NIXONO hath commenced beach tanning and there may indeed be no way to halt his uncouth reign of outsized terror. Signs of beach tannedness may include, but are not limited to:

a. Uncontrollable Zombie Harmonication (commonly referred to as the "UZH" (TM))

b. diarrhea consisting of the most purest of liquids

c. having Unpaleatized(TM) skin, symbolic of the final and generally critical stages of chronic, deteriorating Beachtannedness(TM).

Thou hast been warned